A messy Data center...
Pics: Maserati Factory - Amazing and Crazzy Pictures ...
Out-Of-Office E-Mail Auto-Replies...
Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to
get the position.Be prepared for my mood.
2: I'm not really out of the office.I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office.If I was in,chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed
so that,I may be promoted to management.
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread,worthless emails you send me
until I return from vacation on 4/18.Please be patient and your mail will
be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email.Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the
first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The email server is unable to verify your server connection and is
unable to deliver this message.Please restart your computer and try sending
again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return,you can see how many
in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing
system.You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply
in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.I
am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me.Please wait by your PC
for my response.
11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to
leave me any messages.
12: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE :
13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.
Born Brave - Developer
The fear of IE : Matrix with Firefox
An Effective Communication
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."
Moral: The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
For Example: Can I work on this project while I'm on leave? :)
Do this small prayer before entering office...
Today's Story: Project Manager Says...
We all know this one
One day a man was having a conversation with God when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints. He asked God "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" to which God answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints Because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you in my hands"
Now know this one too!!!
Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints. I asked my PM "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of the project??" to which the PM answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!"
Importaqnce of a tester!
Funny Unemployed Job Seeker’s To Do List
What Management does - Carry on...
Smart working - How to survive a day at office?
The Red Binder ..amazing
I have spent the last few days compiling a Master Reference binder to help deal with internal office issues.
Inside this binder you will find "solutions" to everyday problems you may encounter.
So if you are having problems with processes or you're having difficulty dealing with customers wanting you to fix something, just open the red binder.
If Friday won't come fast enough; come track down this red binder, usually found on or in my desk, it should help get you through the day.
Thanks,
We are so Adjusting (Software Engineers) ..Good one :)
ToDaY's GeeK ...too much
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
Top 7 reasons why I joined IT
1) I hated sleep.
*************
2) I had enjoyed my life enough.
*************
3) I couldn't live without tension.
*************
4) I wanted to pay for my sins.
*************
5) I believed in the Bhagwad Geeta principle : "karm karo , phal ki ichha na karo" (means:Do work without expecting anything as a return of it!)
*************
6) Everything in life has a reason; I wanted to prove it wrong.
*************
7) I wanted to take revenge on myself .
ToDaY's pRoFiLe...
Ideal 'ORKUT' profile of a Software Professional.
About me: I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me software professional, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone to make me live!! Ok...I won't be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (For all those who know me--> "Just stop laughing!!")
Relationship status: what ????????
Birthday : The day my PL is about to fire me.
Age : 10111 1111 111
Here for: web browsing in company hours.
Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!!)
Ethnicity : Software Professional.
Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.
Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!
Humor : weekly.
Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag.
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.
Drinking : The first is this.
Pets: Yeah, my PL looks like a dog. :-)
Living: Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software professional? Believe me, I am living!!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page)
Webpage: http://naukri.com <http://naukri.com/> < http://naukri.com/ <http://naukri.com/> > , http://jobsahead.com <http://jobsahead.com/> < http://jobsahead.com/ <http://jobsahead.com/> > - Isn't it Ultimate???
Passions: searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future.
Sports: quake, Counter Strike (yeah :-)), computer chess.
Activities: Are you crazy?
Books: "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored.
Music: Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing.
Tv shows : can't afford one.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meters of my cubicle
Gikipedia – Life without computer is just waste of oxygen on planet earth …!!!
BUG LOGGING or BUGGING ??
How Roshan D'Mello (QA Tester) frustrates developer (Mukesh Thakur)
Roshan D'Mello: Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in user name text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn't appear.
Mukesh Thakur: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.
After 2 days,
Mukesh Thakur: Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.
After another 2 days,
Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry is not getting the sound.
After another 2 days,
Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry's machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is different across different machines. Sound is coming as 'BEEP' in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as 'TONG'.
Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do you expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform? Please close it.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend's machine produces sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines.
Another 2 days later,
Mukesh Thakur: Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both the machines before I get mad and then close the bug.
Another 2 days,
Roshan D'Mello: I have re-opened the bug.
Mukesh Thakur: What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?
Roshan D'Mello: Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.
After 2 days,
Mukesh Thakur: I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.
After 1 year
Roshan D'Mello: I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested the clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.
Mukesh Thakur: GROWLLLL.....I am really mad now. I am sure that the sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noice.
Roshan D'Mello: No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.
Mukesh Thakur: (not alive)
=)) Too much...
Project Team Thought Process
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.
10) System Administrator is only person who thinks women can deliver healthy baby in nine month. he he he ... !!!! J
One hydrogen atom says "I think I lost an electron". The other hydrogen atom asks "Are you sure?" - "Yeah! I'm positive".
